4 years ago on August 31st our beautiful daughter Addison was born. That day as I held her tiny self in my hands and fixated my focus on her sleeping face, I really was in shock. Shock I guess to the weighty reality- that this was MY BABY GIRL. Fast forward 4 years and I hold her little girlie body in my arms and gaze into her little girlie face and I am in shock. Shock I know to the weighty reality- that this is GOD’S BABY GIRL.
I watched the documentary FOOD INC. the other day and it really stirred some concern. Its a great, informative video and back-stage view of the food industry and its control. I actually spent about an hour after it was over in a daze. Big business endorsed by our ever protective government [cough] has really changed today’s food from what it was when we were growing up.
The thing that saddened me the most about it was the way it seems as though the “all about the dollar” mentality ends up hurting fellow human beings, real people. From the mass of farmers that struggle over the decision to make a paycheck or putting their ethics aside and give in, to the immigrant workers that are involved in most of our food preparation and packaging getting penalized and tossed to the side as disposable, to the health consequences for you and me consuming products that are genetically modified, fed weird diets, or tainted due to the lack sanitization laws and animal civility for the sake of more, faster, cheaper, we only ending up hurting ourselves in the end.
One story that really caught my attention was about a lower income family who could easily convince themselves that it was far more tasty and economical to support the Dollar Menus than buy fresh and healthy produce from a supermarket. Wow isn’t this so true. They also said that it was cheaper for them to buy this cheaper, less healthy fast food AND the medications (that were now required probably due to long term eating of these foods) than to buy healthy foods. How sad is that? I was telling Traci that it’s as if the food industry was owned and operated by the pharmaceutical giants to produce this weird imbalance backing people into this same spin and therefore inducing type 2 diabetes, obesity, clogged arteries, etc. just to make a profit off of medications, off of fellow humans, you and me. All for the dollar.
In lieu of this, we are seriously considering some big changes in what we eat. As runners we typically eat very healthy. Lots of grilled foods, brown rice, juices, and vegetables are a norm for the Dixon’s. Rarely do we eat out and even rarer is it for us to eat fried-anything. We have been discussing portion size a lot and have been doing a good job at limiting awesome things like ice cream, to just enough to get a good flavor fix from it instead of filling up on these super tasty yet less-than-ideal calories.
The next step is coming. We love farmers markets and will increase our shopping there this month. Not for sure how extreme we are going with it but we will definitely be doing the organic thing ASAP. Many say organic is too expensive and as I do agree (as it is a fact) that legit organic food is more expensive (really due to lack of demand) to buy in the store over non-organic. However, if you team up portion control with organic foods it can really offset the cost. Actually I do believe that it will end up being cheaper in the long run. Especially if you can avoid those prescriptions and hospital stays. We are definitely going to start spending our dollar even wiser than before as you really do eat what you pay for.
Any thoughts out there on this? Any suggestions or research you can share? Anyone make the change and can tell a difference? Any cool stories? Please share.
–These comments posted via FaceBook–
We just got back from our first official Dixon family vacation. My parents were able to give us a few days at a North/central Arkansas community called Fairfield Bay. We loaded up the girls on Thursday and headed for a 6 hour drive into the mountains. With no plans other than cook dinner, swim, hike and love on our babies, we accomplished just that and it was valuable.
Growing up my little bro and I were blessed with the opportunity to go on many family trips and stay at all kinds of cool places similar to the Arkansas setup. We loved theses trips growing up and my parents always made them fun for us. Plenty of swim time, mini golf, chill time, site seeing, exploring, etc. and we always had a blast. Many great memories for sure.
It’s interesting – these family vacations now that I am in the parent role. Seems as though Traci and my desires were not about us, but what we felt our babies (yes, they’ll always be referred as such) would want to do. Weird how easy and self-less it was for us to plan it this way! Our main goal was to squeeze as many smiles out of those precious pumpkins as possible. Swim every day! No, no – swim twice a day, every day! Yippie! “Can I have another cookie?” “Heck yeah! Here’s TWO extra cookies!” I actually feel semi-awkward at how much I stared at their little butts while frolicking in the kiddy pools this week. I loved it and already miss the ever passing time we have with them in this stage. Family vacations are about the family which really is about the happiness of the kids which really is to increase the joy of the parents… interesting revolution there. We didn’t get a lot of rest and didn’t come back with a renewed sense of “go get em” but enjoyed the time with these angels. Priceless.
You can check out some pics of the trip at Traci’s blog. Peace!
I have had some time today to work on the longest painting project I’ve ever embarked on. Sheech! Not sure why it’s taking so long. I have finally put the fruits of the Spirit in which I have been meaning to do for some time now. I’m hoping it will be a great reminder to my princesses as they grow up as the attitude and character of Christ is absolutely what we should model and I know I need this constant visual reminder when raising these filthy sinners! Here is the version I posted a while back. It’s about 90% now. Have I ever said that I love to get lost in music and painting before? Man! Love it!
… I fear an empty and eternally insignificant life.
The past month has been filled with death and it’s been a tough one. From the loss of my dear father-in-law, to my Uncle John, 2 co-workers and a close friend of one of my work buddies, this has been the most and closest dealings with death that I have ever had. I am ready for it to be over. The wounds are deep. This valley has really made me think. I mean really think. It’s been quite a reality check. It has been influencial physically, mentally, and spiritually.
Physically it has started the process of increased life insurance and beginning considerations of wills. Preparations for my family is not my favorite thing to research. If you saw my google search history you’d think I was morbid and depressed. I have been using fewer words in my spoken sentences. My eyes feel heavier than before. My running pace, heck; every day movement has been hindered as it’s all hard with shortness of breath and a heavy heart.
Mentally it has been difficult to care about a lot of the petty and mundane crap that is such an emphasis for the masses. Thankful for my employment at my job, but not how I want to be known. Grateful for my stuff, but not how I want to be defined. My perspective on “important” things of life has been taken to a new, and an uncharted depth for me. I often struggle with self worth and esteem. “Who are you?” and “What good are you?” are phrases that the enemy regularly and successfully darkens my days with. This past month has been no different, the shadows are darker than I have known.
Spiritually these hits have been supressing. Many people question God. Many just get mad and fall further away. This has not been the case for me. I don’t question because I know the answers. I don’t get mad because really, why should I be? I just get more anxious. I have however struggled with in communicating with my LORD. God is sovereign which is a big church word for awesome, extravagant, mighty, bigger and wiser than the lump sum of all of humanities claimed knowledge. Traci and I have had a multi-month long conversation threaded by the concept of intentional and significant eternal purpose. In light of the recent events has become more intense. Obviously we were created for a purpose, but how crazy is it that our real and only purpose has always been to have a connection with the one who created us? I feel as though I have really missed this. It’s been mostly head knowledge backed with a baby-girl-strength amount of action. Starving and weak my spiritual muscles are hungry and unsatisfied. Anorexia cause by fear or complacency?
I have begun to read a book that was a favorite of Kip’s titled WILD at HEART. I heard him speak of this often and refer to it on a camping trip that he, Jeff, Kelly and myself took a handful of yeas ago in New Mexico. A trip that was previously and now forever will be treasured. This book [this one actually belonged to him and is highlighted by him... typical Kip if you really knew him] is directed to believing men and to inspire us to “get it together” in our pursuit of knowing God, leading our family, and actually fulfilling our purpose. The author references guy movies throughout and one quote has really echoed in my mind the past few days. Really, this is it. So inspirational on so many levels. Please think about the depth of it and how it applies to you personally.
“All men die; few ever live.” – Braveheart.
The maturing of my grief and ripening motivation will inevitably produce fruit. The credits are rolling of an epic movie, I drown in sorrow but now absorb the lessons, attributes and actions of my fallen hero; trying to somehow find the strength and pick up the challenge in my own adventure, the sequel. My mission: Live to glorify the King. Really, what else matters?
We knew that we wanted to make a video presentation to be a part of the funeral services in honor of Kip. Some favorite songs of his and the pictures with people he loved. At the funeral home when making final arrangements, the director asked if we wanted them to do a slide show to which quickly and almost viciously stated that it was my project and would not be left to someone who didn’t know him. I took the challenge head on to create this. That’s what he would have wanted. What a therapeutic blessing it was to do this video. I was honored to be able do this and wanted to share it with those who wanted to see it again or for the first time. God creates in us desires, skills and abilities for His purpose in His time. I feel like this was one of those times. We love our Kip Clark!
For those interested in how this was accomplished, all of it was created on my MacBook Pro with iMovie, Garage Band, Illustrator CS3 and Photoshop CS3… all away from my studio and choice environment. The voice over dialog was recorded by the iPhone App by McDSP called Retro Recorder, imported into Garage Band. Edited and mixed with the 2 songs.
Even through the recent tragedy with Traci’s dad’s passing, my wife is a rock. Tender, tear-filled eyes, broken-hearted, sad, and even breathless at times, yet she is a rock. I am so thankful for the blessing of such a strong and beautiful woman to hold when the ground beneath seems to be crumbling. “My best friend” does not even accurately portray the connection that we share and build upon through time. I am actually sad for all of my male friends who may read this. Your wife, no matter how beautiful, mother-liness, giving, Godly, successful, funny, sweet, and strong as she may be, does not even begin to compare to this. Thank you LORD!
To many, I was your son-in-law. To you, I was your son.
I am so grateful for all that you taught me. Wisdom that I am honored to pass on.
Your leadership was out of the box and inspirational.
Your life has redefined my definition of the word “determination”.
Despite your many roles and successes, you were a humble servant.
Your encouragement had a way of strengthening those who needed it most.
You only gave me advice when I asked for it.
You embraced my dreams and extended both hands to help me achieve them.
You left this world, this state, this town and family better than it was before you found it.
You will be missed. Your life will be celebrated. I am so proud of you.
“Sonny Boy”
When Kamryn was born we quickly decided that we needed a vehicle with a 3rd row for transporting our little family and a couple friends as well. (Yes I was chubbier then) Traci and I bought a used Honda Odyssey with the intention of driving it till it was no longer drivable. Little did we know, the 2002 Honda Odyssey line was notorious for having major transmission issues and became “no longer drivable this Spring! We have had issues with it slipping on occasion for about a year but kept putting off doing anything about it due to the repair bill being around 3 grand to rebuild it.
Well, it got bad. Scary and unsafe. It sat in our driveway for 2 months till we secured a loan to rebuild the tranny. We ended up having to refinance the van adding the $2500 repair cost to what we still owed on the previous loan. Today we picked up the repaired van with a renewed sense of owner’s pride. Not fancy at all but once again, a provision that we are thankful for. We have plans for cleaning it this weekend and maybe even rolling the windows down and cruising through the neighborhood blaring some old school Snoop.
I love great music. I can get lost for hours in a new or favorite album. Yesterday was one of those days where music seriously played a big part of my day. “Lead Me” by Sanctus Real really spoke to me. I have loved Sanctus for about 10 years now. This song on their latest album is an anthem to believing husbands and fathers. Deeply motivating. I had to share. Beautiful and inspiring.
Click here to listen > Sanctus Real: Lead Me
We really think that Addi is obsessive. She get’s something in her head and will not let it go till it has been accomplished or gained. This is sometimes very hard to deal with and can result in the need of our correction. Sometimes it’s adorable, super sweet and loving and deserves unrestrained hugs and kisses. All depending on which side the coin lands. None-the-less, this girl is awesome! Here is a pic of her the other night at bath time. She was obsessed with making the “covers” perfect while putting her “babies to bed”.
A great mommy is a great treasure. I have been blessed with a great mother who has set a high standard of which I sought out in a wife. When I began to look at Traci as “girlfriend material” (about 10 years ago!), one of the many qualities that led me to ask her to be my woman was that I saw gentle and compassionate mother characteristics in her. I knew I wanted my future children to grow up around that type of mother. She has fulfilled and far surpassed that initial perception.
I am very proud of my decision for my baby girl’s mommy. Often I ask them, “Did I pick a good mommy for you?” to which they unanimously reply “Yeah!”. I am so thankful for the love she shows to our precious girls. Traci is gentle, kind, patient, joyful, peaceful, self controlled and all around awesome. I love my mommy and the mommy of my beautiful girls. Happy Mommy’s Day!
Friday we left town to head down South to the great land of Austin. We stayed with Traci’s brother Kelly and his family in Georgetown. While there we enjoyed pit fires and conversations in their backyard and laying in the sun Saturday on their trampoline. Very relaxing. The weather was perfect! Our main purpose for going there this weekend was to run in the Austin Capitol 10K which was this morning (Sunday) at 8:45am. Traci’s dad Kip and brother Jeff strolled Addi and Kam around the race start and finish as Traci and I ran the route. Up to the capitol, around the down town area and back around by Town Lake trails. 6.2 miles. Traci and I ran together through the drizzle and mist, finishing at a 9 min per mile pace. We quickly changed clothes and made it to the 11:15 service at the Austin Stone for yet another incredible message and worship session. This evening we were able to hear Kelly speak at this church in Georgetown at TXT3 and then a 4 hour trip back to Tyler. We had a great time this weekend despite Addi being sick with a cold and fever. I love Austin!
I finished! I actually finished a whole book! For those who know me, this is an amazing acheivement that I even doubted mid way thru. I began this book in November. Sure it took a while but I made it. I would highly recommend it to fathers surrounded by pink, princesses and ponies.
Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters has been really good for me and I am sure I will end up reading it again in the future. It never hurts to review these kind of topics as times and seasons of life will change for me and my babies and I know I will need to recap. The things that I have picked up on the most from this book is that my responsibility as a father is grand and overwhelming. I influence so many things that I really have never thought about. Eating disorders, sexual behavior, drinking, drugs, depression, and other scary issues that I don’t even want to begin to think about are often results of weak and distant fathers.
But, the good news is that most of the complex problems that plague girls, tweens, teens and young adults is often subdued and even diverted by the presence of a strong father with a strong moral code and the courage and strength to protect his little girls. This is who I want to be and will become. My influence can teach them integrity and to make quality, hormone free decisions, that is if they are modeled in my life. The closing paragraph sums it up well by stating the following:
One day, when she is grown, something between the two of you will shift. If you have done your job well, she will choose another good man to love her, fight for her, and be intimately connect to her. But he will never replace you in her heart, because you were there first. And that’s the ultimate reward for being a good dad.
- Meg Meeker; M.D. & Author.
This has been a great year for me personally and more important, spiritually. My quiet time receives actual time. My prayer life actually lives. I am motivated now more than ever in my role as a father and disciple of Christ. I am feeling new callings on my life and leadership that I have nonchalantly missed for years. I am excited for what is to come with this renewed vigor I feel in my soul.
I loved the break! So great in so many ways. Rest, reading, movies, studio fun, art and time with my lovely family. Last night date night with my beautiful bride at Cibo Vino Italian in Winnsboro. Fantastic! To top it off, a great “family day” today for the Dixon’s. Great message at church, leftover spaghetti with homemade sauce for lunch, a walk to Brookshires for groceries in our mammoth jogging stroller, sitting in the sun with my wife while my girls napped, homemade chocolate cupcakes with peanut butter frosting and a grilled dinner of Mediterranean kabobs with rice and an additional walk down the street in this beautiful weather. This pic was taken tonight during bubble time while dinner was grilling. How blessed am I to have such a beautiful family? So thankful!
I began these paintings around the beginning of the year and am yet to finish them. I have had some time to concentrate on them this week and wanted to share. Lots of girlie-ness and a stray from my norm. I am always adding and changing but as of now I would say that I’m about 80% finished. I traced their hands to form the big pink flowers. Addi’s is the bigger, Kam’s is the little one. I will upload the final product when I get it finished.
It’s Wednesday and I’m loving this week! At home we have been doing some rearranging and switching some accounts around of services such as DirecTV and Suddenlink high speed so we have actually been in the dark since last Friday or so. No satalite till this morning and no high speed till tomorrow afternoon. Retrospectively, It actually has been nice, relaxing and seems to slow down time when you are not always checking sites or having TV on all evening. Refreshing. I actually had to come up to my studio just to get on-line to surf for a few and make this post.
Already this week I have seen Alice in Wonderland (Ok if you ask me… a bit underwhelming), did some yard work, took Traci to Dallas for a meeting with a client, ran, took care of some around the house chores, painted, read, and journaled a bit. I still have some more things on my list but for the most part I’m on track. I still plan to take my beautiful girls our of school early this week for some fun times (hopefully and totally up to the emotional coin flip of my oldest) with daddy.
I am feeling refreshed, rejuvenated, and relaxed. I have lived a good percentage of the weekend and week inside of my thoughts and earbuds, listening to podcasts and music galore while reflecting of how fantastic our God really is. I am learning that time to my self for “rest” is a much needed thing for me personally. I love to paint, run, listen to music and just drive around which all in some mysterious way have a sense of healing my inner “up-tightness”. I am enjoying the time and feel that as a result I am able to spend more valuable and engaging time with my family. Now I need to focus on how to get this my needed “Ryan Time” in the midst of a normal crazy week. ?
One thing that I began this week and I would highly encourage you to do is journal. Seriously. I really want to gain form my quiet times. I want to learn, to grow and to make significant steps to put those thing that I gain into practice. I have a hard-bound sketch book that I bought from Hobby Lobby a few months ago that is perfect for jotting down thoughts as I read. I am currently reading the Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians and Colossians. I really enjoy the writings of Paul. Hardcore for sure. If a verse or passage sticks out to me I write it down, word for word, and then the thoughts and prayers that these verses stir in me. It has been really good… already! I would encourage you to do the same, but only if you want help and motivation in reading and memorizing scripture, retaining what you have read and growing in your relationship with Christ.
Peace!
Everyone that works in the education field knows that one of the best benefits to the job is all the time off. The pay is mediocre and the health benefits are nice, but the time off is exceptional. 2 weeks off for Christmas break, a handful of holidays like the 4th of July and a week for Spring break comes to 4 weeks a year paid leave. Yippie!
Next week is my Spring break and I am pumped. I’m going with some old friends down to South Beach for a week of unrestrained craziness. LOL. Actually, I plan to run, read, catch up on some sleep, cook more complex dinners than usual, go see the new Alice in Wonderland, have my usual lunch with my beautiful woman and spend some extra time with my babies. I don’t know yet what I going to do specifically, but I am planning to rescue each of them from school and take them to do something fun. Just daddy and Addi one day, and daddy and Kam another. It’s interesting to think of what would be fun for a 2 and 3 year old girl in the middle of the day. The only subjects they talk about these days are ballerinas and snacks. Any suggestions?
I’m beat. This week and last I am running audio for a Singing in the Rain musical at school. Rehearsals began last Monday (15th) and the final of the four performances will be this Saturday (27th) evening. This is a side project for me which is great because we always need extra income to balance our budget. I am super thankful for the provision but am physically and emotionally drained, and it’s not over yet! Each tech rehearsal begins at 6 and usually lasts till 10:30-11pm (last night was 11:30) each and EVERY evening. No breaks, no weekends off and this is on top of my normal weekday 8-5. Geech!
I am a wuss for sure. I’m usually in bed by 10:30 every evening so being out past then just isn’t good for me. Being out that late in in a social environment is not a great thing for me because I turn into a pumpkin; cloudy and babbely especially when trying to talk tech. Running audio for this has been a cool challenge as this is the first “musical” that I have engineered. 15 wireless headsets, countryman B3s taped to each actors face, 20 speaking actors, and 3 hours of script following scene changes has been fun to process. I’m so thankful for digital consoles with recall! We rock the Yamaha M7 up here at TJC.
Even more taxing on me is the distance from my family. I really miss them. We are in close proximity (1mile) from each other but it’s not enough. Each evening I shove dinner down my face then rush out for a night without hearing sweet giggles and participating in bath times, bed jumping, singing and prayers before bed that I have grown so in love with in our family routine. Traci and I text often each evening with short snippets of conversation. Updates, ETAs, etc.
On a scale of 1-10, 10 being the highest, I would say that we are like a 10 on how close our little family is with each other. It amazes me that so many people seem unaffected by being away from their families for extended periods of time. I have an amazing family! All I want to do is spend time with each of them, and it hurts when I cannot. I actually yearn for having lunch with my beautiful wife daily. Seriously. Is this normal? Do other husbands feel this way or am I just a weirdo? Maybe it’s like this for me because I consider Traci as my best friend? Maybe it’s the connections we have with each other? I don’t know really. However, I do know that I love that I crave the presence on the other 3/4 of my fam. I crave doing even silly things or what most might consider monotonous or mundane. I love my family and am so ready for this Saturday to be over so I can get back to them.
